On March 27, 2017, I watched a David Wilkerson video that put the fear of God into me. It essentially was showing me that I needed to surrender this issue all over to Jesus Christ. At the end of the video, I lifted my hands and I surrendered to God.
I said out loud, “I choose You.”
I was already a Christian. I had been a saved, tongue-talking, Bible-believing, church-going, living-for-God-the-best-I-could-Christian. However, my prayer was, "I choose YOU."
I chose YOU over food, over idolatry, over what I have been going to for comfort, over my flesh.
He delivered me!!
Some of the immediate improvements of my body and soul were:
1. The ease of my choices regarding food. It was easy to make good choices. However, many of those choices were also contaminated by a diet mentality. God is so good and merciful; He gave me a lot of grace and a lot of time to overcome exactly what I needed to prior to tackling the diet mentality. We will talk more about this on another day.
2. My physical hunger and full responses were healed. I had eaten so much for so long prior to deliverance. I couldn’t remember the last time I actually felt hunger. To feel hunger again and to know when I was full again, was a miracle. Even in this healing the Lord brought me on a journey of overcoming. At first, He had me stop at full, then He began to teach me the difference between comfortable and full.
3. Prior to deliverance, I had a tape recorder playing in my head, not even sure when it started, but it went something like this. “I got to eat right and lose weight. I got to eat right and lose weight. I got to eat right and lose weight. I got to eat right and lose weight. I got to eat right and lose weight. I got to eat right and lose weight. I got to eat right and lose weight. I got to eat right and lose weight. I got to eat right and lose weight.” This tape stopped after deliverance! I finally had peace of mind regarding food.
4. I had an overwhelming sense of the presence of God. It was like He anointed me for that time just to take care of my body. For the first 12-14 months, it was almost like floating on a cloud. I had a few ups and downs in life just like everyone. However, the ease with the physical was unremarkable, I lost 141 pounds that year.
At the end of that time frame of walking in the physical changes and working on some of the root causes, I began to learn that I still had much to be worked out in my soul and in my physical habits.
I still do!
This has been a long road for me. But maybe, if I can be transparent about all the good that God has done, and even about all the mistakes I have made...
... Maybe others can overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of this testimony.
Confession: Shortly after the 14 months of walking out deliverance, I allowed pride to come between one of my closest relationships and then that same pride kept me from seeking reconciliation for a couple years. Shortly after that, I handled the things of God recklessly and a close friend was instructed to confront me. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit moved on me to repent quickly in that situation. I continued over periods of time to try to do eating my way. Oh, I would set out to do it God's way and then sprinkle in what I wanted to do, too. Next thing I know, I am eating and planning my way and only sprinkling in God's instruction. It is the small foxes! I wrestled with spiritual warfare when I should have been crucifying my flesh and presenting my body to God. All along I was fighting the wrong battle. The Lord gave me a beautiful gift- to understand my calling and ministry. Then I turned to seek those things He gave. Seeking the gift over the One Who gave it.
These were inside failings that resulted in outer consequences. I may have kept ~100 pounds off as discussed in a previous post, but I also gained ~40 pounds. With every compromise and every sin, I would take three steps forward and two steps back.
What now? I can learn from the mistakes, repent of the sin and keep moving. I can wrestle with shame and failure, or I can present my confession to God and choose Him and His way.
Every. Step. Of. The. Way.
I can concentrate on the things above, having an eternal perspective and refuse to allow the enemy to distract me and my flesh patterns to sway me.
In these blog posts, we will discuss some of the methods learned along the way. And, as you can see, we will confess and be transparent before our readers and God. Some may be tempted to take these lessons learned and apply them to their life, like a recipe to follow. Please don’t look for the “recipe for success” with a Christian label. Please allow these posts to draw you to the prayer closet and seek God for how He wants to work in your life. Be it your inner life and/or your physical body. Only God knows what will work for you.
There is no recipe, there is only Christ.
In Him is where you will find victory. In Christ is where your freedom lies.
Currently, I know that I am in the Promised Land of freedom. I am choosing the method which is going to work for my physical body. I am learning to live in the Promised Land and continuing to grow in the renewal of my soul and overcoming my flesh. When I make a mistake and/or sin I ask the LORD for wisdom, grace, and mercy to confess and repent. I understand that our life in Christ and our freedom is not about performance, but it is about ABIDING in HIM. It is about surrender. It is about obedience. We are going to make mistakes, and sometimes there are consequences. But God is right there with us, helping us through. Our job is to look at Him and keep going.
Lately, when temptations come, I picture Jesus with His hands on my face, encouraging me to choose HIM. Reminding me that all power and authority of the enemy has been broken. Reminding me that He is right there, showing me, guiding me, teaching me to walk in His authority as His child. As His royal priest, I am learning to reign in Christ.
I am still not "finished," but I AM free.
I know that I know what God has for me regarding a healthy lifestyle and intervention. I choose God and will continue to choose God.
May I encourage you to make your choice.
May I suggest- choose God!
Let's continue discussing inner work-
About two weeks after my deliverance, the Lord revealed to me that two root causes to my addiction were pride and rejection.
Join us next time and we will begin to talk about my journey with pride and rejection. I suspect there will be another confession.