What Now?

Before I begin to go through some of the details of the last five years, I believe it prudent to share, exactly where I am today and how my freedom journey has turned down another road.

About, 18 months after deliverance, I was 141 pounds down, and doing well.

I still had about 60-70 pounds more to lose, to be at an ideal weight. For which, I have never been. Even as a teenager, I was about 20 pounds over the "ideal."

Then, something began to happen, I gained a little weight shortly after we moved to another state.

About 10 pounds at first, and pretty much hung out at a heavier weight of 10-15 pounds for a while.

I would seek God about this and, He began to show me many different things regarding my inner life.

In the interest of setting context let me explain.

I spent over 20 years of my adult life, either binging or dieting. The Lord was bringing me to a place of identifying root causes and letting me know that a diet of any kind, will not be the solution to living in the Promised Land. Not for me, due to my relationship with diets.

One of the biggest revelations the Lord brought me through was that I had and was still to a certain extent, holding certain foods higher than God. They were idols.

He brought me to the Scripture of the rich young ruler, in Matthew 19: 16-22, New Living Translation

The Rich Man

16 Someone came to Jesus with this question:

“Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?”

17 “Why ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. But to answer your question—if you want to receive eternal life, keep the commandments.”

18 “Which ones?” the man asked.

And Jesus replied: “‘You must not murder. You must not commit adultery. You must not steal. You must not testify falsely. 19 Honor your father and mother. Love your neighbor as yourself.”

20 “I’ve obeyed all these commandments,” the young man replied. “What else must I do?”

21 Jesus told him, “If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

22 But when the young man heard this, he went away sad, for he had many possessions.

Additionally, He led me to read 2 Samuel 24:24, New Living Translation

24 But the king replied to Araunah, “No, I insist on buying it, for I will not present burnt offerings to the Lord my God that have cost me nothing.” So David paid him fifty pieces of silver[a] for the threshing floor and the oxen.

As I read these Scriptures, He would reveal to me that it is time to lay down certain food items to him and destroy these idols.

I call it, placing them on the cross.

It took an entire year of prayer and guidance from the Holy Spirit, but a handful of specific foods (not food groups), and a few drinks were placed on the cross, never to be consumed by me again.

I still did not lose any more weight, I continued to stay in this same place.

The Lord continued to work in me, and challenging me in exercise, growing me in the faith of intimacy with Him.

I was living more and more free, but I was not losing weight. Not really.

Then, time passes and the Lord, begins to show me that even though I have been obedient to steer clear of dieting, I was still thinking and acting like I was dieting.

I still had this diet mentality, which led me to diet living.

At the same time the Lord revealed this to me my weight began to change. I would lose 5 pounds, and gain 8, I would lose 10 pounds and gain 3. I would more or less stay the same weight but in a yo-yo fashion.

Then the Lord brought me to resources that would teach me to break the diet mentality.

Finally, I felt my mind release to even more freedom in this area over food.

Let me clarify, I was free, but I was learning how to appropriate the freedom in my life. When we have been slaves, and then are set free, we have to learn how to live free.

Guess what happened to my weight?

It increased.

About 6 months after breaking the diet mentality, I had gained a total of 33 pounds since the original drop in weight.

At this point I was 4.5 years free, if you remember I had lost 141 pounds.

The Lord had shown me how to look at long victory versus short range victory.

Even though, this seemed, and felt like failure. I kept being reminded that this is all a process, a journey.

Looking at the long victory, I was still over 100 pounds down, and living more FROM freedom.

• My mind was being renewed in my thoughts about food

• My emotions were less triggered by food

• My will was appropriating the freedom as I was becoming more Holy Spirit led and healthy

We will talk more about what God showed me in these early years later.

Fast Forward to the last 6-8 months. The Lord began to show me in more depth and specificity how flesh patterns (old habits) are involved in my times of regressing and yo-yo with food.

He also began to show me that my physical body would need an extreme intervention.

He showed me that bariatric surgery, (specifically the bariatric sleeve or partial gastrectomy) was the next leg of this journey.

I wrestled with this decision. I would seek God and ask.

1. Lord, have I failed YOU?

2. Lord, have I abused Your grace, and this is the consequence?

3. Lord, how can I tell people that You delivered me and then go have surgery?

4. Lord, I have lost over 100 pounds with YOU alone, certainly, it is YOU that brings me to a healthy weight.

5. Lord, am I taking the easy way out?

I felt like a failure, I felt like what God had sowed in my heart was being attacked.

BUT- there was no denying it, I knew this was God guiding me.

With every step of prayer, and every step of faith, God would show up.

Be it from the encouragements from my friends, the testimony of my previous Pastor, the available and miraculous provision. From October to April, confirmation, confirmation, confirmation.

Even in the bariatric training, we learn that there are certain foods that we should not eat because they will just slide through.

Guess what? Remember the list of items on the cross? Those foods are already removed from my eating.

During the bariatric training it was stressed that we must remove the diet mentality from our life. Though we have guidelines and priorities in eating, we do not diet.

More and more as I learned, as I prepared, it was like the LORD prepared me to come right to this place.

1. He gave me victory over the spiritual oppression through deliverance.

2. He taught me and prepared me for appropriating my freedom in the Promised Land.

3. Now- He provided a tool to better steward my physical body, to be healthy and strong.

I dare say, I would not have victory over the physical had I not spent all that time with God, doing the inner work, tearing down idols, and obeying God in living healthy to the degree that I was able.

Where Am I?

I am 3 weeks postoperative.

What Now?

I continue in Christ to live from my new nature, reigning over the flesh and allowing ALL that the LORD has provided for me to work as I continue to LIVE FREE.

• Who the Son sets free is free indeed! (John 8:36)

• For I have been called to freedom and will not use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh! (Gal 5:13) -Emphasis mine.

As I move forward in these blog posts, I will share with you the life changing truths, and testimonies of victory that the LORD has done and share my progress from the new road to recovery as I live in the Promised Land.